I think it's safe to say that since I have arrived in NYC in January, I have hit the ground running and done very well in terms of making progress in my quest. I do my best everyday to make new contacts, go on auditions, meet the right people and just put myself out there in general. I have learned a lot about myself in the years prior to coming here, and even more since being here - even if it has been for just a short period as of yet. For the most part, I am what you would call an idealist. I like to think of the perfect situation or outcome to a situation, and focus of that. I work hard to get what I want, and can sometimes be stubborn about it (and really bummed when it doesn't happen). I believe wholeheartedly in the power of positive thinking and the law of attraction. Whatever you put out in the world is what you will receive back from it. I don't believe in dwelling on negative outcomes or possibilities, and I try to distance myself from people who do.
What's the point of all this, you ask?
Well, I have done so well focusing and working hard on my career dreams of being a professional in the entertainment industry that I have lost sight of being a success in my day to day life of being a self sufficient, independent adult. Sometimes the downside to being an idealist is that you don't realize you are not being a realist. This is not intended to be a negative blog. I am not at all coming down on myself for anything, but I am learning. As much as, like Rihanna, I "want it all - the fame, the money, the cars, the clothes" - I also want to be completely self sufficient and strong within myself emotionally, mentally and financially. Modeling is a great paying job. One of the best. And for that, I am grateful. But it doesn't really matter if I don't make the effort to invest - not only in the stability of my financial future - but also in the care of my soul.
Maybe this blog is just a rant. Maybe its just a selfish, cathartic act. And maybe it's how I see it. A lesson. I read something really inspiring the other day from Rob Brezny. He said our hearts were made to be broken. Each time it breaks, it opens that much more for love to hold space. I like that. It's not just romantic love that causes our hearts to break. We break our own hearts. The important thing here is when it heals, it's more open for love to enter.
This lesson has been tough, but I think it's the best one I have been given in a long time.